Choosing to cheat – part 4


Have you ever received a note from your spouse that read “I’m leaving” or “You need to leave”?

I’m not talking about Leaving in the sense of “I’m leaving to go to the store, and I’ll be right back”. But instead, “I’m leaving… for good”.

Maybe you’ve never received a note like that, but instead, you’ve been the author of the note.

Maybe there’s never been a note, but there have been issues or tension.

It is probably because there is cheating at home. The sentiment can feel like being asked by a friend to hold a heavy rock…

And you’ve been asked to hold this rock until your friend returns from an errand they need to run. Because you trust this friend, you agree to do it. Soon the rock gets heavy, but because you trust the friend, you suck it up. After a while, your arms start to ache. You want to sit the rock down, but you made a promise. Then your friend returns, and you are relieved. But then that feeling quickly dissipates when they ask you to continue to hold the rock while they run another errand. Hours later, your arms are screaming. But you don’t set the rock down because you have committed to do this. Finally, hours later, you begin to lose your grip. You tell yourself to hold on, but you can’t anymore. And the rock falls. While your friend may be at a loss as to why you dropped the rock, you know it was a long time coming. Your mental willingness was overcome by your physical (and emotional) exhaustion. No amount of love, dedication, commitment, or selflessness was going to be able to make up for the fact that your arms were worn out.

When we ask our spouse to carry our load as well as theirs, it is like handing them a heavy rock. When they are left to carry a load they were not created to carry, it is just a matter of time before things will begin to unravel.

If this hits a nerve, then be sure to stay tuned as we continue to periodically post wisdom from an incredibly helpful book: Choosing to Cheat: Who wins when family and work collide? by Andy Stanley. (Click here for the last post in this series.) We highly encourage you to get a copy of this short and easy read for yourself, and follow along with us.

The book is about finding a balance between work and family. If you ever wonder how you can be successful at work without sacrificing your relationships with those closest to you, then this book is for you (or someone close to you).


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