Choosing to cheat – part 10

ChoosingToCheat

For the last several months, we have been posting wisdom from an incredibly helpful book: Choosing to Cheat: Who wins when family and work collide? by Andy Stanley. (Click here for the previous post in this series.) This is the last post as we wrap up this series.

If you ever wonder how you can be successful at work without sacrificing your relationships with those closest to you, then this book is for you (or someone close to you).

Quotations from Chapter 9:

  • Maybe your boss doesn’t see eye to eye with you when it comes to prioritizing business and family. Maybe your boss won’t be open to your suggestion of an alternate schedule.
  • If your boss doesn’t accept your proposed alternate schedule, then maybe you need to begin looking for another opportunity that supports rather than competes with what you envision for your family.
  • Your willingness to leave may be a defining moment in terms of what happens to your family.
  • God honors those who place their faith in Him (Matthew 6:33). Order your world around your Heavenly Father’s priorities and then trust Him to fill the gaps created by your faithfulness.
  • Instead of asking God to stand watch over your family while you give to your career what belongs at home, turn the prayer around. Go home, seek Him first, and ask Him to bless things at work.
  • Why give your ultimate loyalty to an organization where your value is conditional upon your ability to perform? Why betray those whose loyalty is unconditional?

Make up your mind. Develop a plan. Deliver it diplomatically. Be willing to walk. And then watch for God.

Who is looking to you to be someone that no one else can be?

These summaries don’t do the book justice. We highly recommend getting a copy of this book to read through!

Choosing to cheat – part 9

ChoosingToCheat

Periodically, we have been posting wisdom from an incredibly helpful book: Choosing to Cheat: Who wins when family and work collide? by Andy Stanley. (Click here for the last post in this series.) We highly encourage you to get a copy of this short and easy read!

If you ever wonder how you can be successful at work without sacrificing your relationships with those closest to you, then this book is for you (or someone close to you).

Quotations from Chapter 8:

  • After you’ve decided to stand by your convictions, how do you go about convincing your employer?
  • The goal is to negotiate your way into a more manageable and flexible schedule.
  • Daniel provides us with a model to follow. Daniel knew how to be both dogmatic and diplomatic. Your attitude and approach should be seasoned with diplomacy and tact.
  • Cheating at work has nothing to do with cheating your employer. Cheating in this context is about reallocating your limited time assets according to your predetermined priorities. Cheating at work has nothing to do with deceiving your employer.
  • Buried in the interaction between Daniel and the king’s official is the framework for a transition strategy. Daniel did three things:
    • He asked for permission to change his work conditions (Daniel 1:8).
      • Address the issue directly. Ask, don’t demand. Offer alternatives.
    • He listened to the objections from his supervisor (Daniel 1:10).
    • He proposed a test that took into account his supervisors concerns (Daniel 1:11-13).
  • You’ll never know what God is willing to do on your behalf until you are willing to step out and to trust him.

Want more details? (These summaries don’t do the book justice!) Then be sure to get a copy of the book. This could have significant impact on your relationships!

Choosing to cheat – part 8

ChoosingToCheat

Periodically, we have been posting wisdom from an incredibly helpful book: Choosing to Cheat: Who wins when family and work collide? by Andy Stanley. (Click here for the last post in this series.) We highly encourage you to get a copy of this short and easy read!

If you ever wonder how you can be successful at work without sacrificing your relationships with those closest to you, then this book is for you (or someone close to you).

Quotations from Chapter 7:

  • Choosing not to cheat at home begins with the decision to quit cheating – before you know how the details are going to work out.
  • We are instructed in Scripture to DO our jobs and LOVE our families (see Colossians 3:23). When you LOVE your job and DO your family, you’ve not only stepped outside the bounds of family life, you have stepped outside the will of God.
  • Two big benefits to making up your mind in the face of uncertainty: momentum and sharpened focus.
  • For many men, it is not work that is the point of contention in their home. It is a hobby, the gym, the golf course, etc.
  • The more specific you are about the results you feel called to achieve, the easier it will be to follow through. What is your nonnegotiable? Does it mean leaving the office every day at 5:30, regardless? What change would your spouse and kids most like you to make in regard to your schedule?
  • Don’t focus on the how, focus on the what (no matter how impractical the “what” may seem right now).

Can’t wait to find out the rest, or want more details? Then be sure to get a copy of this powerful book.

Choosing to cheat – part 7

ChoosingToCheat

Periodically, we have been posting wisdom from an incredibly helpful book: Choosing to Cheat: Who wins when family and work collide? by Andy Stanley. (Click here for the last post in this series.) We highly encourage you to get a copy of this short and easy read!

If you ever wonder how you can be successful at work without sacrificing your relationships with those closest to you, then this book is for you (or someone close to you).

Quotations from Chapter 6:

  • The Old Testament prophet Daniel was demanded to do something that he couldn’t go along with (Daniel 1:3-5). He had trouble eating the king’s food, feeling it constituted a clear violation of his loyalty to God.
  • Daniel’s situation is like ours. There were two parties (the king and God) who wanted something from Daniel, and he couldn’t satisfy the demands of both.
  • Daniel’s loyalty was tested by what he ate. Ours is tested by what we put on our calendars. Where you spend your time is an indication of where your loyalties lie.
  • Before Daniel knew the outcome of his decision, before he understood how he would address the issue with his supervisors, he made up his mind. We’ve got to do the same. We’ve first got to decide to quit cheating at home before we know how we are going to pull it off.
  • Once Daniel’s mind was made up, he came up with a plan. Daniel came up with a test (Dan 1:9-14), but he didn’t agree to compromise his convictions if the outcome of the test didn’t suit those in charge. Once we make up our mind, we need to come up with an exit strategy from our current schedule. And like Daniel, set up a trial.

The remaining posts in the series will talk about these steps in detail. Can’t wait to find out the rest, or want more details? Then be sure to get a copy of the book.

Choosing to cheat – part 6

ChoosingToCheat

Periodically, we’ve been posting wisdom from an incredibly helpful book: Choosing to Cheat: Who wins when family and work collide? by Andy Stanley. (Click here for the last post in this series.) We highly encourage you to get a copy of this short and easy read!

If you ever wonder how you can be successful at work without sacrificing your relationships with those closest to you, then this book is for you (or someone close to you).

WARNING: The title of the current chapter is “A double-edged sword”. Without the context of the full chapter, these quotations may be difficult to hear. This may especially be the case if you haven’t been following along in this series.

Quotations from Chapter 5:

  • Often, the spouse who cheats at home gets way too much support from the people they are cheating.
  • Sometimes we may be afraid to put our foot down with our spouse because of fear of rejection. We take up the rock to avoid rejection. We may think we are being a loving, understanding spouse when in reality we’re simply facilitating our own failure as a spouse and parent.
  • Husbands and wives are hesitant to put their foot down because they feel like they are betraying their commitment as a supportive spouse. Nothing could be further from the truth.
  • To facilitate your spouse’s misprioritization is to add to your own dysfunction. All of us need a reality check every once in a while.

Again, this may have been very difficult to hear. To get the full context of these statements, be sure to grab a copy of the book.

This is a great quote from this chapter: “Your home environment defines what your children perceive as ‘normal.’ Create for them what you hope they will re-create when it is their turn.”

The remaining posts in the series will be about how to actually restore the family and work balance. Can’t wait to find out the rest, or want more details? Then be sure to get a copy of the book.

Choosing to cheat – part 5

ChoosingToCheat

Periodically, we’ve been posting wisdom from an incredibly helpful book: Choosing to Cheat: Who wins when family and work collide? by Andy Stanley. (Click here for the last post in this series.) We highly encourage you to get a copy of this short and easy read for yourself, and follow along with us!

The book is about finding a balance between work and family. If you ever wonder how you can be successful at work without sacrificing your relationships with those closest to you, then this book is for you (or someone close to you).

Quotations from Chapter 4:

  • Do you know what your family wants from you more than anything else? They want to feel like they are your priority.
  • There’s a difference in our family being our priority, and them actually feeling like they are our priority.
  • We may be quick to say we love our family. But do you love them with your heart AND your schedule? (They can’t see your heart.)
  • Our family’s willingness to hold the rock for us is born out of their desire to please us.  In pleasing us, they hope to gain what they value the most, our acceptance.
  • When we cheat, we shuffle priorities. It sends the message: You’re important… but right now something else is more important.
  • Actions speak louder than intentions. No one can see your heart.
  • You have a dozen good reasons to justify shifting your priorities to meet the ever-changing demands at work. But in the economy of human emotions that distinction isn’t recognized.
  • Wouldn’t it be great if our spouse and kids had acceptance meters to know exactly where we stand? You’ve got to slow down long enough to check the family vital signs.

Can’t wait to find out the rest, or want more details? (These summaries don’t do the book justice!) Then be sure to get a copy of the book. This could have significant impact on your relationships!

Choosing to cheat – part 4

ChoosingToCheat

Have you ever received a note from your spouse that read “I’m leaving” or “You need to leave”?

I’m not talking about Leaving in the sense of “I’m leaving to go to the store, and I’ll be right back”. But instead, “I’m leaving… for good”.

Maybe you’ve never received a note like that, but instead, you’ve been the author of the note.

Maybe there’s never been a note, but there have been issues or tension.

It is probably because there is cheating at home. The sentiment can feel like being asked by a friend to hold a heavy rock…

And you’ve been asked to hold this rock until your friend returns from an errand they need to run. Because you trust this friend, you agree to do it. Soon the rock gets heavy, but because you trust the friend, you suck it up. After a while, your arms start to ache. You want to sit the rock down, but you made a promise. Then your friend returns, and you are relieved. But then that feeling quickly dissipates when they ask you to continue to hold the rock while they run another errand. Hours later, your arms are screaming. But you don’t set the rock down because you have committed to do this. Finally, hours later, you begin to lose your grip. You tell yourself to hold on, but you can’t anymore. And the rock falls. While your friend may be at a loss as to why you dropped the rock, you know it was a long time coming. Your mental willingness was overcome by your physical (and emotional) exhaustion. No amount of love, dedication, commitment, or selflessness was going to be able to make up for the fact that your arms were worn out.

When we ask our spouse to carry our load as well as theirs, it is like handing them a heavy rock. When they are left to carry a load they were not created to carry, it is just a matter of time before things will begin to unravel.

If this hits a nerve, then be sure to stay tuned as we continue to periodically post wisdom from an incredibly helpful book: Choosing to Cheat: Who wins when family and work collide? by Andy Stanley. (Click here for the last post in this series.) We highly encourage you to get a copy of this short and easy read for yourself, and follow along with us.

The book is about finding a balance between work and family. If you ever wonder how you can be successful at work without sacrificing your relationships with those closest to you, then this book is for you (or someone close to you).